We are the eternal cycle
of sun and moon in a whirlwind
of ice cream and wine
eaten by gods of the
cherry blossom tree.

You are the YIN of my Yang,
the silent vengeful spirit
in the dark dungeons of my Id;
whose power unleashes the
breaking of "we"

I am the YANG of your yin,
the gentle and wise breeze
that gives life to your shallow
heart; whose magic is the rope
that ties the formation of "us"

And on our Sabbath nights
we perpetually convene in the
swamp land of papers and ink,
along Dona Aurora's cat walk of
queens making scenes,
there we dance in the divine
unfolding of scrolls written
in moon and fire.

Yes we become ONE in our
embrace, in the effervescent
and throbbing mixture of
sugar and red pepper.

We are one, cotton and flame;
where wisdom of a thousand
prophets and golden sutras
are written in the flaming liver and lungs
and cotton skin of our soul.

Finally, in that moment of white
clouds and seraph's song
of buddha moans and
lotus birth, our eyes
pierce each other in the
silence of bodily embrace
and gentle change
of "yin" and "yang"
into "Tao"
the alteration of
"I" and "you"
into the oness of
“Philos”

Love’s labor is always fucked and lost,
Denying embrace and rotting French toast
With empty words from a heartless Ghost

Love’s labor was fucked by a heartless Ghost
Murdered with a kiss and sanity lost
Eating worms instead of French toast

Love’s labor is like a well made French toast
Made with poison and fire by a heartless ghost
That in the end love’s labor and soul is totally lost.

It was a bombardment of comets
You and I, when your skin touched mine
I was both wet and dry in the
Semi-darkness of your room’s embrace

It was an explosion of the sun;
The outburst of a thousand stars,
A Thousand stars that pulsated in my chest
In my innermost being, When
Your lips finally touched mine
While your eyes pierced my screaming
Soul.

I was no longer dreaming of valleys
Or of cotton candy and milk
I was there in the cage of
Your fiery arms, in the real world
Of Moon and fire.

Your body is the temple I worship
And your arms are the traps that
I long to be caged in

You are but a molecule apart
And every moment that my eyes
Touches your skin made of milk
I am flown to the world of coffee
And Ice.

We?
Yes we?!
But wait, theres no “We”
Only a “You” and
an “I”in this spectrum
of moon and fire.

Though we have
tasted
each other's supple skin
and savored each others
succulent lips
my somnolent CPU,
and your libidal engine
prevents the miraculous
formation of an
“Us”

The thousands of
shattered wine glass
pieces
that you artistically
pierced
into my heart,
like some sculpture
made it sore and
emptied of its
ambrosia

And the soreness of my
cardiac muscle widened
the gap from “w” to
“e” and what “You” and
“I” had was nothing more
than a friction of screws
a bombardment of
supernovas,
a scratching of flower
and nails
and it
was never
a union of
Souls




.... this is dedicated to all my Exs who never took me seriously... hehehe

I am the sea elf
who fell in love
at the hills of the black Lady
The nymph who
have journeyed
the river streets of
Espana and V.Luna in
pursuit of subtle flame
and cloud.

I also labored every
velvet night of dream
crossing back and forth
the neon path of Taft Ave
for something more than
the friction of curves and
nerves

Then I rode my silver and pink
chariot to where ever the
the gods of old will take me.

I came to a standstill in
the imperial crossroads of
of Mr P.Roxas and Ayala
where little stars never
die in the coming of day.
There I came to see and feel
cotton candy and wine
that lasted only from
six to nine.

I was always told that
sea elves such as myself
had perpetual magick
that came from there hearts
but I never knew that searching
for the hollowed and eternal fire
emptied our hearts,
Diminishing our souls.

Yes! my elven heart,
after bombardments
of blood and bone
or battling with
witch's needles, will be
emptied and crushed
under a ruble of broken mirrors
and locked doors

Now I have one tear left to shed
for eternal fire and clear sky
and then I shall fade and die

Your lips are like
freshly broken berries
and your eyes are the
blackest pearls of the sea

Your curves and ends are
the valleys of Eden
which are well too hidden
while your skin are those
of freshly made Cappuccino
That I always crave for

Every time I see you
In each moment that
I am near you
I fly to the world,
to the realm of Moon
and Fire to visit
my heart where my love
for you is well hidden
behind thorny rocks of
gloom, beyond the walls
of shadow and light.

Your are the oil that fueled

Me, a flame that blazed in the dark.

Yes, I am the fire whose life was

From the combustion of your anatomy,

But my embers slowly died. And

Though my heat has faded, I am the

Conflagration that seems unable to

Consume you or exhaust your coals.

You remain as a cold black and slippery

oil,

While I vanish into the velvet

Night.

You were a scattered group of letters
When I met you. A scrabbled meaning I wanted

To unravel. But as time went by, along the
Gibberish highway of chattering hullabaloo

Of Moorish people smoking urban pipes, I knew
Right then, you where a children's novel floating

In mid air like smog over Manila's text
Messaging dominated airways and airwaves.

Your anatomy was made up of words written in
Libido and distorted love, of friction and prayer

To which I wanted to chant, to read like
Gospel truth or sutras vibrating within my

Palpitating muscle pierced with a thousand rusted
Needles. Yes, I wanted to discover a story

A story of you or a narrative of us that I lust to
Inscribe on the paper of my skin, in the crevices

Of my veins all the way to the roots and
Strands of my hair. Where our spirits can live.

Yet, my paper thin glass body and your abstract
Anatomy of scrawled letters and words and

Phrases remained parted by my own parting of
My cerebral pen, unwilling to write the

Tragic story of platonia vs erotica that would
Surely have added a dagger in my heart

Among the rusted pins already left there to rot
With my organ. Yes you are a chronicle that I found

And wanted, upon meeting you along the crossroads
Of Pasay and Edsa. Yet instead of a novel you

Ended as a poem hidden of its meaning but remained
Alluring. Ours was the story, the poem, the novel

That ended even before it even had a start.

Pain is a poison
to the human soul.
Its the foulest of all
poisons, since it attacks
and kills slowly, like
HIV. Slow, somewhat painless
over the years and then
it strikes from within.

Its like a demon, carrying with it
7 more demons like grief, anger,
hatred, hopelessness, envy,
jealousy, sloth and bitterness.

They eat ur soul from the insides,
starting from your heart.

As for myself,

I have become a
Solitary
Soul
of the dark elvish kind.
Ugly and unattractive
paralyzed in the
forest under lake Avalon.
Pain after pain, dagger after
dagger It scorched me
and stripped me
of all beauty.

I hibernate in the cold
fires of the southern lights
where sleep is perpetual.

Now, when will my resurrection be
or by whom? That I do not know.

If it will even come to pass.

After helios has pierced
my skull with his fiery arrows
and when my journey is
leading to no where
I see a vision of you
among the sand dunes not far
from the Euphrates.
I start to see you
as one made with gods.
I can even feel the
softness of your ivory-like
skin as I thirst in this
place called "No where"
And when my eyes are alreay
white, and I am dry as
the golden grains surrounding me
I suddenly feel your lips
pressing to mine for a kiss
that was never there.

then I die.

The secret has been broken
By my own unlocking.
The thorny truth with its poison
has been unleashed by
my own tongue.
My own tongue served
as a key to open up
the cage of the ugly monster
hidden in my heart whose name
is forged by fire in four letters
“Eros”

I was your secret lover.

Like Selene who by her magic

loved Endymion but Endymion

Knew not and doesn't know still

Except in dreams.




I secretly loved you under the

cloak of platonia, behind the curtains

of Plato's scriptures of perfect love.

There I hid while we sat among

chain smokers that stood in the distance.

We enveloped ourselves in our secret love

or my love hidden by the neon lights

that floated me in stasis.




I love you still now,

after we stood in the

crossroads of Ayala and Paseo

and finally separated our ways, into

our different and distinct lives of

human friction and moon waxing.

But my love for you is fading

as the lights of Makati faded into

the morning light.

I was your secret lover

but I too had already faded

into the shadows between

the crossroads of Ayala

and Paseo.



* for someone I knew and loved but wanted more as a friend than a lover.

Small artificial stars illuminate

the outstretched Ave of Ayala,

Like many streets of Metropolitan

Manila.

Tiny dots that tries to hide

The darkness

Of a black Christmas whose

spirit hides behind the gates of

Malacanang and whose elves

are fatenned by a barels of pork

in the great northern pole of Batasan

supposedly “Sandigan” DAW ng BAYAN.

Oh yes it is a black Christmas season

where the local Santa Clause hides

in the miniture back of the Snow Queen

whose heart is so cold that it would burn

even one's soul.

A Christmas of children eating forks

and spoons made of sulfur and ash

and playing around, running in the shallow

roads and highways while there parents

are making more babies in the sideways.

Children running and playing while one

gets runned over by some F150 or Altis

With a placard number 8 or number 7.

"Oh hohoho!" laughs the big fat devil

of a clause in his palace with the

equally devilish Snow Queen drinking

and dancing over turkey and ham

and all the goodies from the blood and

sweat of the children of this

Western dominated land.

Its a black Christmas with blank masks

and hot asphalt pouring down

from the cloudless sky

of Holy Night.

It was like any other night

Pitched Black sky

And a well lite urban Ayala

Avenue that stretch towards

ways and byways of the metro

sanity of city people made of

Concrete skin and asphalt soul.

I looked out from my high rise

cage of my imperial slavery through

the black icy glass of melancholy.

There I looked strangely at

two honda civics. One was red and the

other was green. Both of them are

on a full stop with the red eye

of the stop light glaring at them

from above.

They stayed there side by side

like many lovers holding hands

Or like lovers beside each other

in bed after the sexual engines

have died for a moment to refuel

once more.

The two automobiles sat there

Immobile like lovers do when the

end is about to come; Any minute,

Any second that seemed a century,

An entire history heading towards

oblivion.

Then the story ended with the

Green spot of go

and the green car moved forward first

leaving the other vehicle behind

in a split minute while after

a moment of despair the other turned

right separating the two cars

like people going there separate ways

After Commitment's engine, the heart,

Has been emptied of all it's fuel,

"Love".

Yes, I am dead now,
Embalmed and shrouded
In my cavern tomb of
Guilt and perversion

Yes, I am dead, murdered
Through the nails that
Went through my soul,
Nailed by my own doing

I am lifeless, murdered by
The devil of my id, the
Shadow of my former self,
The alter ego of my existence

And my mother, my conscience
Wept as I was being entombed
After my crucifixion to my hideous
Debauchery of the worst kind

After all the orgies of my
Scourging at the pillars of
Parody, I lay adamant and
Rotting in my rocky solitude

But it does not end there,
My whole being went down to
The infernal places, acts worst
Than my earlier Via Crusis

And I played and toyed with
Devils of angelic lure as my
Corpse corroded in its reformatory
Of death and cavernous retribution

The demons play their blissful
Tricks deep in the core of my being
As I endlessly wait for my salvation,
The resurrection of my subsistence

I am not a god of endless grace
Or eternal life, I am that I am,
A mortal of mortal dreams and
Applications with mortal blame
Yes, I am truly deceased now,
Embalmed and shrouded
In my cavern tomb of
Shame and utter mortality

Waiting in my death bed
Waiting to wake and see the light
Of a novel verve.

Tignan mo ako mula
Sa altar ng aking pagsisisi
At Masdan mo akong nakabayubay
Sa krus ng aking kahatulan.
Na pilit inililigtas ang sarili
Sa pagliligtas ng iba mula
Sa alikabok ng kabalintunaang
Nakataklob sa bawat katedral
O mosque o templo ng
Kaluluwang noong una ay banal.

Mistulan akong pipi’t bingi
Sa mga orasyon mong
Ibinubulong ng malambing
Sa aking matigas na katawan
At mahalay na kahubaran,
Na patuloy na hinihimas ng
Iba pang dibotong tulad mo,
Tulad mo na umaangkin
at nagnanasa sa aking
mainit at basa
na pagbabasbas.

MAsdan mo akong lumuluha
At nagpapawis ng dugo
Sa aking dambana na
Malapit sa Quiapo. Masdan mo
Ang patuloy na pag-agos
Ng dugo habang bitbit ko
Ang krus ng aking mga kasalanan
Kasabay ng mga hipo at halik
Ng mga namamanatang aking
Tinatangkilik, ito may labag
Sa aking kaluluwang nagluluksa
Sa loob ng Santong Sunog.

Mapapatawad mo kaya ako
Sa aking mga lihim at pabulong
Na mga kumpisal habang iyong
Kinakain ang aking katawan na
Iyong inangkin, at iniinom ang dugo
Kong sayo ibinigay. Kainin mo pa
Kaya ang mga ito at inumin.

Palibhasa ikaw din ay tulad
Kong parang rebultong bato
O inukit na kahoy, na bingi, pipi at
Bulag sa aking mga kabuktutan
At pagkukulang. Isang tila diyos na
Iyong inalayan ng pananampalatay
At pag-ibig na nagtaksil at nagkamali.
Ngunit dahil nga sa karimlan at katahimikan
Ng simbahang iyong dinadasalan, kung
Saan ako ay nakabayubay, ikaw ay
Pikit matang naniniwala sa mga salitang
Ibinabato ko mula sa aking altar ng
Mga lihim na alaalang ni minsan di ka
Naging parte. Tiklop tuhod kang
Bumabalbal ng iyong mga pangarap
At pagmamahal habang ibang kamay
Ang dumadalisay sa aking nakasabit
Na pagkatao sa mga pako ng kamunduhan.

Masdan mo lang ako sa aking
Pedestal at tingalaing bilang bathala
Na puno ng pagmamahal tulad ng
Mga panatikong baliw na sarado ang isip.
Tulad nila na hindi kailanman
Maaarok ang aking nakataklob na diwa
O malalasahan man lang ang
Natatago kong puso.

Sa loob ng jepneey
ako'y nakaupo't nakatulala
Sa bawat pagpatak ng ulan sa labas
O kaya nagmamasidmasid
sa mga malamig ng mukha
ng mga kaluluwang nakaupong tulad ko
sa aking tabi at sa aking harapan.
Ako' nabibingi sa gulo at ingay
ng mundo sa labas o sa sigaw
ng barker na pilit sinisiksik
ang mga tao sa loob ng munting
mundo ng sasakyang niluma na ng
kawalang asenso. Pilit na
sinasakay ang bawat isa kahit puno na
para lang sa konting barya.
Pinagkakasya sa maliit na espasyo
Sa kaliwa o sa kanan. Minsan pa ngay
maski sa gitna o mga sabit sabit na katawan
sa Pwetan ng sasakyan.
Dito ako pinapawisan sa kabila ng pag-ulan
sa labas.
Dito ako'y nag-iisa sa kabila ng mga
katawang nagsisiksikan at sa mga pawis
at amoy na naghalohalo na.
Dito ako'y nag-iisang umiiyak
sa kalooban ng akng isip at dalita.
May bumababa at sumasakay habang sabaya
sabay na naglalakybay.
May mga dumarating at lumilisan
Sa byaheng ng jeepning masikip, mainit
at mabaho. At Sa kabila ng titig at pagmamasid
ng mga multong may dugot laman
Mistulan pa rin akong isang tuod
na mag-isang naglalakbay sa ilog ng
panahon. Sa jeepning ito akoy nakasay
habang tumatawid sa mga kalsadang marupok,
basa at sira. Baha na naman sa Espana't Laon Laan
Habang patuloy na umuulan.
At sa siksikang paglalakbay kong ito
Ako'y umaasa na sa maliit na espasyo,
sa kanan man o kaliwa ko
ikaw na sumakay at makatabi ko.
Sa kabila ng init sikip at baho ng
jeepning ito.

"Beep beep!" Huni ng Mnti
Kng Celfon sbay vibr8
ni2 s akng dibdib ksabay
ng bwat pntig ng akng
puso n umaasang
Ikw n nga ang nsa
Fonebuk k.

"Beep Beep!" Awit ng
Celfon n s leeg ay
nkasukbit sabay vibr8
nito kasabay ng paglukso
ng akng kaluluwa sa mensaheng
inaasahang ipinadala mo.

"Beep Beep!" Sigaw ng telepono
kong malapit sa pusong
nagdurugo para sayo. Vibr8
Vibr8, sabay gising ng
diwa kng kanina pa nalulunod
sa kakaisip sayo. Diwa na ang
tanging tulay sayo ay ang munting
celfone na ito.

"Beep Beep!" hiyaw
Ng celfone ko sa bawat
Pagpintig
"beep Beep!"
Tulay ng pag-ibig.

Sa malakas at
Nakakabinging pagtibok
ng musika akoy umandak
At gumiling.
Sa saya ng naghahalong
liwanag at dilim ako'y
nagwala at pilit na
nagpakabaliw habang
sa aking kalooban
unti-unting umiiyak
ng dugo ang kaluluwa kong
tinutupok ng apoy na
hindi namamatay.
Nakipagtalik ang aking
nawawalang sarili
sa bawat pintig ng musikang
lumulukob sa bawat nilalang
na naroroon.
Ako'y tila baliw, kasama
ang iba pang baliw, na tila
napadpad sa lugar kung saan
ang oras ay bumagal at huminto
upang kalumitan ang mga
naiwang problema sa labas sa bawat
pagkembot at pag-ayuda ng aming mga
katawan.
Sumayaw ako na parang walang bukas.
Sumayaw ako ng walang humapay.
Sumayaw ako at gumiling ng walang
kapaguran habang ang aking
pagkatao ay kumikiskis at dumidikit
sa pawis at amoy ng mga aninong
tulad ko ay sumasayaw sa karimlan.
Sumasayaw ako kasama ang ilang daan katawan
na tulad ko ay nanlalagkit at pawisan.
Sumasayaw at nakikipagsayaw ngunit
nananatiling mag-isa sa aking
sarili na walang pinagpapaalaman,
NA walang mainit na kaluluwang
nagnanais akong akinin magpakailanman.
Malapit ng magliwanag sa labas
At ang mga baliw na tulad kong
umiindak pa ay unti-unti
ng nanghihina. Ngunit gusto ko
pang sumayaw, gusto ko
pang umindak hanggang dumating ang taong
hahatakin ako palabas
at alisin ako sa kabaliwan
ng aking nagluluksang puso.